I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
