Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
