mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
