this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just gargled with NyQuil
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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