we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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