I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
