ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Me too!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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