Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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