I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
