woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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