The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
