You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In America we eat man semen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Vodka?
Forever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
