Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
