it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
