She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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