Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
