those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
