Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
