I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
