we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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