Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
