life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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