I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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