Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
