I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
