the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize