tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
