ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
