K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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