I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
