pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
