I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
