Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
