shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
