now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
