You really coming over, don't trick.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
