I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
