dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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