i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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