I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
