Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
