i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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