What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
