Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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