saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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