Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
