I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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