I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
