Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
