Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
