her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
